Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
