A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
