wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
