I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
