Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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