I'm really into asian looking animals
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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