He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
