My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dont even know how to be here
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
