I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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