I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
