i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
