I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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