he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
