Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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