9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
