Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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