Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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