First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
