I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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