1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
