nut hugger
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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