my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
