THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
