she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
