oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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