I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
