meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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