its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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