I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I still have a little drunk in my system
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
