Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
