Swine flu. Run for my life!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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