please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
