In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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