I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
