just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
