what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
