Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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