Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
