Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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