I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
