Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
