You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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