one two three fourrrrnication!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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