your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
