I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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