But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
