reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
