I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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