a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
