Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
