I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
