Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
4 words: hood of his car
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
