People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
