It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She needs sedatives and a leash
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
