I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
