I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
