We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
