omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
