i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
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its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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