who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
