I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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