That's intense
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
