i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In America we eat man semen.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
