so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
