In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
