And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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