Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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