How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I understand Curling. That high.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
