For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize