Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
