I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We are all done wearing pants today
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.