Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
